Passage Eight: The Worst Of Me
I have just awakened from a dream
In which my first wife,
From more than thirty years ago,
Was accusing me
Of many different things from my past.
I am still guilty of all she said,
If only in potential and degree,
And what point is there to arguing
About degrees of guilt?
The question is not: Am I guilty or not?
The question is: What then?
It is not for me to forgive myself
When others suffered because of me,
But because of that,
I have learned to be forgiving.
We may think we need
Forgiveness for ourselves,
But what we really need
Is to be forgiving to each other.
It is only then we know and feel
The light and warmth of forgiveness.
I believe it all works out,
Somehow, but how, I do not know.
It is a mystery.
Straight lines
Do not get us there,
And connecting up the dots
Does not complete this picture.
Not rightness
In our thinking or believing,
But something that requires
As much of us as growth,
Is needed.
The mysteries
Are revealed up close.
The work is at your hand.
You do not need
To have answers for them,
But a feeling
For the needs of others.
We do not need
Better explanations.
We need more meaning.
We do not find it. We create it.
We take the things we have at hand
And show others meaning with them.
I have tried to take the worst of me
And show you with it
That I care about you and your struggles.
In such ways and with such things,
We can show love for one another;
We can show meaning to each other
And for ourselves.
